Is underestimating your own influence holding you back?
Vanessa Bohns explains how you can embrace your power of persuasion
Hey everyone,
I recently tweeted that I wanted to cover more social science in this newsletter, to unlock the incredible insights hidden in books to help us all enjoy our lives and live up to our potential.
Today we’re lucky to have Vanessa Bohns share her wisdom on how you might have more influence than you think. If you’ve ever felt ineffective, invisible, or inarticulate, turns out there’s a high chance you may be underestimating yourself. This isn’t empty self-help rhetoric, argues Vanessa Bohns, it’s backed up by hard research. We spoke to Vanessa to find out why.
First, meet Vanessa Bohns
Vanessa is a social psychologist and associate professor of organisational behaviour at Cornell. She holds a PhD in Psychology from Columbia and her work has been featured in the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, and The Economist. She’s also an author. Her latest book, You Have More Influence Than You Think: How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion, and Why It Matters was met with rave reviews, with Adam Grant calling it: “one of the most enticing and entertaining books I’ve ever read on persuasion”.
We asked her some questions on how insights from her research can empower you to build your ideas with confidence.
What is one thing you've learnt from research that could help people put their own ideas out in the world?
“Connect with others for support and inspiration.” Bohns says research shows that people are actually much more receptive to us and our requests than we think they will be: “This is true when we ask people for help and support. People are about twice as likely to agree to help us (by doing a small favour) than we expect them to be. People also invest more effort into helping us than we think they will”
There’s more good news.
It turns out people also like us more than we think they will.
Vanessa explains: “People like us more following a brief interaction than we think they do—a phenomenon known as the “liking gap”. They also notice and think about us more than we realise. All of this means that it’s easier to make connections and get support than we think—both of which are helpful when we are trying to put something new out into the world.”
How can we apply this to our own lives today?
“Make a small effort to connect with someone today—ideally face-to-face. For example, give someone a compliment—it will be less awkward and make them feel better than you think it will.”
“Talk to a stranger—it will make you feel happier afterwards than you expect it to. And if you could benefit from bouncing some ideas around, or from a small favour that could help you turn your idea into reality, take a friend out for coffee and ask them for help. Asking in person is the most effective way.” In short, connect more. You’ll both enjoy it more than you think.
What is something you do personally when you want to launch or build your own ideas?
“I draw inspiration and help from my social networks. I force myself to talk about my ideas and let others read my writing before I think I’m ready to, and I’m always glad that I did. So often getting insight from other people gets me just the fresh perspective I need to get past some block. I’m frequently pleasantly surprised at how helpful it is to talk something through and how generous and astute other people are with their willingness to engage with my ideas.”
So what’s the takeaway?
People like you more than you think they do. They are also more willing to help you, and will likely put in more effort than you expect. Ask people (in person if you can) and make sure to compliment generously. This isn’t to gain favour, but rather because your words have more power than you think too. Use them carefully.
Check out Vanessa Bohns’ book here.
Research is built on personal experiences. Please share with the community if you’ve found any examples of this in your own life in the comments!
Georgia